Portland's Shireen Amini is one of 16 musicians around the country featured on a new collaborative album called "Hope Rises II." Amini's track, "Break Myself Free," explores what it means to be authentically yourself without any constraints.
Courtesy Shireen Amini
Portland singer-songwriter Shireen Amini is one of 16 musicians around the country featured on a new collaborative album called “Hope Rises II.” The compilation is produced by Noel ‘Paul’ Stookey, of Peter, Paul and Mary, and is a celebration of “New Voices of Social Change.” Amini’s track, “Break Myself Free,” explores what it means to be authentically yourself without any constraints.
Her independently produced single “What I Am” explores her non-binary identity. Amini also regularly performs with the Latin dance-rock band she formed in Bend called ¡Chiringa!, which means “kite” in Puerto Rican-style Spanish. She also runs community song circles as part of what she calls “music medicine.” She joins us in studio to tell us more and play some of her songs.
The following transcript was created by a computer and edited by a volunteer:
Dave Miller: From the Gert Boyle studio at OPB, this is Think Out Loud. I’m Dave Miller. Shireen Amini joins us now. The Puerto Rican-Iranian American musician grew up in the San Francisco Bay area and has lived in Oregon for more than a decade. She calls her music a blend of rock, Latin hip hop and roots. She also runs community song circles as part of what she calls “music medicine”. Amini is one of 16 musicians from around the country who are featured on a recent compilation called, “Hope Rises II.” It was produced by Noel ‘Paul’ Stookey, of Peter, Paul and Mary fame, as a celebration of “New Voices of Social Change.” Shireen Amini, welcome to Think Out Loud.
Shireen Amini: Thank you so much for having me, Dave.
Miller: So I just noted that you grew up in the Bay area, to Puerto Rican and Iranian parents.
Amini: That’s right.
Miller: What kind of music were you exposed to in your home?
Amini: That’s such a great question. I mean, just like most kids around the ‘90s, I was listening to famous ‘90s pop artists and R&B. But I was particularly exposed to music of my Puerto Rican heritage; Latin music, Puerto Rican, Plena, especially around holiday music. So it was a mix of things. My dad, who is the Iranian one, didn’t quite… he showed me some Persian music as well. But I was mostly immersed in Latin music, as well as whatever was popular at the time.
Miller: When you say immersed, like how much of that was just taking music in, as opposed to making it yourself?
Amini: That’s a great question, too. Puerto Rican families, at least mine, are very much about engaging in the music as well. So there would be dancing but then we would pull out the drums, like a drum that I’m holding right now, and the guiro and shakers and singing and dancing together. So it was very much participatory as well as just listening, having it in the background.
Miller: Did you enjoy that?
Amini: I loved it. It was one of my favorite things. That’s probably part of the reason why I do so much music that’s connected to group participation, that exposure early on.
Miller: Was there a point when you said, ‘I’m going to actually make a life in music,’ because you could have, everything you’ve just described could have been the case for you and then you could have ended up being an engineer or a teacher or whatever?
Amini: I don’t think it was extremely conscious, but because it was something that I just fell in love with really early on … I was trained in piano and then I discovered songwriting and it became truly my sanctuary for processing feelings and emotions. And because it was such a powerful therapeutic outlet for me, it was just like, how do I just keep doing this?
Miller: And so even in middle school or high school, you were already aware that it was a therapeutic process for you? It was a way to heal, even then?
Amini: Yes, I wouldn’t have had the language back then for that. I just knew that it was my deepest passion, my deepest passion and joy. And so yeah, those words came later, once I started to actually do more of my own healing work personally. It just was like looking back, oh, that’s what that served for me. It was giving me a voice, it was healing a lot of things that didn’t have a way of being tended to, otherwise.
Miller: How did your family feel about you embarking on a career in music?
Amini: They were a little worried. Just because both being immigrant parents, [were] very concerned about survival and just making sure stability, sustainability. So they were always like, ‘Sure, do that and maybe have a plan B.’
Miller: It’s funny, maybe that’s why when I was just grasping for other potential careers I thought of being an engineer. I mean, that’s a kind of thing -
Amini: Actually, That’s what my dad studied.
Miller: It’s just a kind of thing which is a global version of job security.
Amini: That’s right. Yes, so they knew it was not secure.
Miller: But that’s not what you pursued. You went to UCLA and studied world music and percussion and all kinds of things. And then you graduated and you’ve written that on a whim, you moved to Central Oregon. So with a little bit more perspective now, do you know what it was that drew you? Why go to Central Oregon?
Amini: Well, we have an uncle, one of the Puerto Rican uncles. My mom has seven siblings who was living in Central Oregon. And I had grown up visiting him there a few times, actually in Portland first and then they moved to Central Oregon. But I had just finished four years in a massive city. My soul was starting to wither from that experience. And plus I had a transformative experience studying abroad in Peru. [It was] the first time I experienced a lot of like minded humans, out in nature, seeing the realities of other countries, developing countries of poverty, yet like richness of spirit.
Honestly, I just came away from graduating college in a pretty dark headspace. So the whim was that I didn’t have any other plan, I was just rehabilitating my soul and my spirit. And when I landed in Central Oregon, which was very deeply connected to wilderness and small town community, it sort of revived all these really important things that I didn’t realize I needed.
Miller: Not too long ago, you released a song called, “What I Am.” What was the genesis of this song?
Amini: Well, I’ve been on a queer journey for a long time even though I think I have embodied my gender as a non-binary person since I was a kid. But in the last couple of years, I really stepped into naming it and calling it non-binary. It’s the best word, even though I think it’s way more fluid than that. And I started to find that the more I became authentically myself, the less the world had an understanding of what I am, who I am or even had space for me, in the forms you fill out, in the bathrooms that are available.
And so it became like an important self affirmation to sing to… almost educate people while also just speaking to my own self saying, ‘This is what I am’ and with joy and with pride. And so it sort of became a piece of trying to sum up so I don’t have to explain so much to people, like ‘Here’s a song.’ But it also was about the poetry of gender fluidity, which for me is really important and a huge step that our culture is trying to evolve into, is liberation for all genders. All genders.
Miller: Can I hear it now?
Amini: Yeah, let’s do it.
[Plays drums, singing]
“I’m not a lady, I’m not a man
That’s what I AM, that’s what I AM
Call me a sista, call me a mista BONG!
You’re not right, but you’re not wrong
I’ve been existing, inside of a system
that’s trying to insist I’m, something I’m not
But if that’s what you’re using
to categorize humans
It may be confusing
But this is what I got (what I got!)
I don’t got a bathroom
I can’t check a box
I don’t got a place in the language
So I’m telling you what I am by what I’m not
If your two genders are two extremes
I am both, I am neither, I’m the space in between
I’m not a lady, I’m not a man
That’s what I AM, that’s what I AM
Call me a sista, call me a mista BONG!
You’re not right, but you’re not wrong
Out the dance floor, feelin’ my feet
I like to follow, I like to lead
Down in the bedroom, I like to give it and take it (what?)
Regardless of how I look, how I look naked
And I assure you, what I am is ancient
I’m not making this up,
some cultures call what I am sacred
And I’m certainly not the only one
There are many more of me
You might be one of us
I’m not a lady, I’m not a man
That’s what I AM, (that’s what I am)
that’s what I AM (that’s what I am, oh)
Call me a sista (sista), call me a mista (mista) BONG!
You’re not right (not right), but you’re not wrong (not wrong)
(Yeah, yeah oh…)
When I’m filled with more self-love
By livin’ out none of the above
I’m more free and more bright
I think the system is wrong
And I’m right
Damn right!
So check your assumptions
Open your mind
I feel your discomfort
with me not fitting in your paradigm
But I assure you my gender’s a work of art, how?
It’s a petal-lined path
with a spear in its hand
that always bows down to the heart
Got it now?
I’m not a lady, I’m not a man
That’s what I AM, (that’s what I am)
that’s what I AM (that’s what I am, oh)
Call me a sista (sista), call me a mista (mista) BONG!
You’re not right (not right), but you’re not wrong (not wrong)
I’m not a boy, I’m not a girl
I’m telling you now (that’s what I am)
I’m the best of both worlds (that’s what I am, oh)
Call me a sista (sista), call me a mista (mista) BONG!
You’re not right (not right), but you’re not wrong (not wrong)
(Elle, elle, elle, oh…)
(Yeah, yeah oh…)”
Miller: You’ve said that you wrote that song to embrace your authentic self, even if it meant losing some people in your life who couldn’t or wouldn’t embrace the real you. Did that happen? Did you lose some of those connections?
Amini: You know, no, I didn’t.
Miller: Did that surprise you?
Amini: It did surprise me. I think the fear was legitimate and it’s very possible that some folks on the periphery maybe didn’t feel comfortable with it. But I was fortunate enough to be with people, have chosen people around me, who accepted it. Now, that’s a little different than really understanding it and really deeply embracing it. And I can still sense that in a lot of people who are in my life who I’m close with. And those folks I don’t engage with on a certain level, to a certain depth. But actually being shunned or shamed or cut out, it has not happened to me. And that’s pretty lucky these days in this world.
Miller: Can you help me understand those distinctions though? Between acceptance and embrace?
Amini: Yeah. I think acceptance is that feeling of like, yeah sure, you do you, be whoever you are, I love you anyway. And it feels it’s on the surface but understanding like, truly believing that there is more than just two genders [and] truly believing that when someone says what they are, it is authentically what they are and have been, is a different level of understanding and a different level of holding. There’s a way in which a lot of people in my life will accept and just want to know what words to use. It’s really different.
Miller: Just tell me what to say.
Amini: Yeah, ‘Just tell me what to say’ is really different from, ‘Oh, I’ve actually done my work to understand what it is.’ Even if I don’t identify as someone who’s somewhere in the middle or who’s trans, [but] to really understand the legitimacy of this experience, of this identity. Yeah.
Miller: I mentioned in my intro that one of your songs, “Break Myself Free” was recently selected for this compilation by the nonprofit Music To Life. What did that mean to you?
Amini: It was a huge deal for me. For one, I had never had a song selected for any special recognition like this. But to have been chosen to be among other social change artists, it’s very much in my heart and in my mission for my music to be serving greater cultural change, greater cultural shifts. And to be noted as that among others who are doing the same thing, [it] feels like being part of a movement and being pointed out as someone who is part of this movement. Plus it was just a huge honor of course to be selected by Paul of Peter, Paul and Mary and his organization. So it’s really exciting and, and lifting up this song in particular was really important to me.
Miller: Could we hear the song? And of course, we’re gonna hear it. But in case anyone was wondering if there is a percussion section or a band, no, it’s just you, a one person band.
Amini: That’s right. We got, my hands are the guitarist and my feet are the drummer. So here we go.
[Plays guitar, sings]
“To be loud and proud,
my friends get it all out
The shame, the doubt
had me hiding what I’m about
Because my old projection
was for my own protection
I didn’t know I had a choice,
no longer need permission
Cause I can’t be holding back spiritual ammunition
I’ve been storing my voice,
now it’s just pouring out
I’m boiling over, over it,
over all the fear
My intuition into it, getting into it
Cause I am tired of all the things
that people tell me,
keeping caged inside a bad dream,
we are all having.
Don’t we all agree
to the smile, denial, reality,
while the real stuff goes on behind the scenes
Have we not seen how many people are secretly dying,
so loaded with pain and they become publicly violent
Cause they are living a lie while we keep guarding
old forms that need to be broken,
show ourselves in the wide open
So I am going to break myself free
so you can see me, fully see me, all me
You can decide if you won’t take me or you’ll leave me,
this world needs me to be me, all of me
I’m gonna break myself free
I’ve been trying all the ways
I know to keep people close
I love you so
but real love is not being in love with roles
But ties are nice
but I am just coming out of war with myself
I won’t go back to please anyone else
I am attracting all the ones who like my old costume more than the real films.
Going out of my kitchen
cooking up the deep wisdom I was born with
Come on in if you wanna share a real dish,
hear my real wishes
for this heart, for this planet
Turning dreams into action
I’m not a nice friend, I’m a real friend
No more hiding from each other,
that’s the best place to begin.
So tell me, are you out?
Are you in?
So I am gonna break myself free,
so you can see me, gonna see me, all of me
Then you can decide if you will take me, or you’ll leave me
the world needs me to be me, all of me
Gonna break myself free
Break myself free
I am going to break myself, break myself free
I am going to break myself, break myself free
I am going to break myself, break myself free
It’s how I’m going to save myself
It’s what the world needs,
that I break myself, break myself free
I am going to break myself, break myself free
I am gonna break myself, break myself free
is how I’m going to save myself, that’s what the world needs
I am going to break myself free
so you can see me, gonna see me, all of me.
Then you can decide if you will take me
or you’ll leave me,
this world needs me to be me, all of me
Gonna break myself free”
Miller: You mentioned that your soul was starting to wither after four years in the gigantic city, megalopolis of LA. And then you went to Bend, in Central Oregon. How did that place, how did that land, affect your music?
Amini: I think it in many ways, 100% shaped it. My relationship with nature was one of the most profound gifts of my life. It was what gave me the awareness of myself. It connected me to a greater sense of spirituality. And so that influenced a lot of the music that wanted to come through me because walks, hikes in the forest, time by the river would almost always yield some kind of musical thing coming through. And oftentimes it was when I was processing important things, and so the medicine like I referred to in some of the work I do, often comes through from that relationship with nature. So having access to nature in Central Oregon is a big piece of what shaped the music. Yeah.
Miller: What do you mean when you talk about “music medicine?”
Amini: Yeah, I know, it’s an interesting word to choose. There’s a sort of off the cuff phrase a lot of people use when this is like, ‘That was really medicine for me.’ But it’s also, I think it’s a phrase used in a lot of Indigenous spirituality. Medicine, not from the sense of western med, like pills, but medicine for the spirit, medicine for the heart, medicine for the mind. Something that counteracts the sickness of our times, the sickness of our beings or our hearts with healing goodness.
Miller: What do you do at community song circles? You had one this week in Portland,
[and] you have two more coming up in May and in June: McMenamins Kennedy School in May and the Alberta House in June. What happens?
Amini: What happens there [is] I bring and many people that are part of this movement of community song leading, we bring these short form, easy to learn songs. The culture of this movement is all about stripping away perfectionism or fear around the sound of your voice. It’s about experiencing the power of voices together, singing songs that are meaningful and that are influencing and feeding culture shifts out of things that are destructive, like capitalism and white supremacy and heteronormativity and all these things that are, for us, no longer serving the greatest striving of all. So we bring these songs, a lot of times that have come through us that are simple. We teach call and echo style and we just sing together, we usually get down a little bit rhythmically too because I like to do that.
Miller: So, we have a little under four minutes. Can we hear one more song? Can we hear “Homesick?”
Amini: Yeah, totally.
[Plays guitar, sings]
“With one home
I have to walk away from
because it’s just not right for me anymore
But the home where I’m headed
is still just a dream
I sit in the middle with my pain and longing,
pulling me both ways
I feel my heart
tearing at the sea
But if I settle for the way it was,
I know a part of me will die
and I want to live
and want to give
So I’m getting to know myself,
getting real, getting ideal,
taking one more step
as it’s shown to me
Still my heart aches for familiarity
I just can’t stay there
without tamping down my authenticity
I’m lonely for what I left,
so I sit and it’s ok
I’m yearning for what I need,
I’m in between
I just get homesick,
even though the home
of the past no longer matches
the home within,
Home within
Don’t you get homesick?
There’s a home
where you know you will thrive
you just haven’t arrived,
you just keep on walking
Keep on walking
I know though I have not seen
that there is a most truest place for me
with ways out of line with me
and people who will like with me
and my wholeness
I’m in the static in-between
radio stations while I’m reaching
for a new frequency
and the tune that I carry
I will sing through the loneliness
till I reach my community
And I believe there is a world calling me,
calling of us that is better, brighter, more free
It’s where I wanna be
Hope that you will be there with me too
I don’t know about you
but in the midst I’m struck with
missing the comfort
What I knew,
wishing I could just arrive already
where I’m being called to go
so I could set my roots and grow
I’m lonely for what I left,
so I see that it’s ok
I’m yearning for what I need,
I’m in between
I just get homesick,
even though the home in the past
no longer matches the home within
Home within
Don’t you get homesick?
There’s a home where,
you know you will thrive,
you just haven’t arrived,
you just keep on walking
Keep on walking
Between my heart’s two broken pieces
is a dark, empty space
that I fill with faith
All this pain, I must release it
So I’m trusting the way
something’s got to change
between my heart’s two broken pieces,
is a dark empty space
that I fill with faith
All this pain, I must release it,
so I’m trusting the way
something’s got to change
(Oh, Oh…)
Hold to the home within,
it is letting go
and it’s calling in
Hold to the home inside
where the soul guides
I am walking on
I am walking on
Hold to the home within,
it is letting go
and it’s calling in,
hold to the home inside
where the soul guides
Hold to the home within,
it is letting go
and it’s calling in,
Hold to the home inside
where the soul guides
We all get homesick,
even though the home of the past
no longer matches the home within.
Home within
Don’t you get homesick?
There’s a home where you know you will thrive,
you just haven’t arrived
You just keep on walking
Keep on walking
We all get homesick”
Miller: Shireen Amini. Thanks very much for coming in.
Amini: Thank you so very much for having me.
Miller: That’s the Portland based musician, Shireen Amini.
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